posted Feb 18, 2012 1:50 PM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
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updated Feb 19, 2012 3:56 PM
]
"Does
it itch?”
Questions
About My Beard Answered
by Michael Harrell
Remember when
you were graduating high school, or college, and you had to field all
those questions from friends and relatives? “Where are you moving
to?” “What are you going to study?” “Do you have a job yet?”
After a while, I wanted to start carrying around 3x5 cards with all
the answers printed on them and hand them out when people started a
conversation. The same line of questioning happens to many of those
with facial hair. So, below are the (slightly sarcastic) answers to
my Beards most FAQ.
-
Does it
itch?
-Are you
implying that I don't wash it, or that there are creatures living in
it? No, it doesn't itch! Does your head
itch? If so, you probably have lice.
-
How long
did it take you to grow that?
-Since the
last time I shaved.
-
Does your
wife/girlfriend still kiss you?
-Yes, and so
does your mom.
-
Is it
soft?
-You wanna
feel soft? Check out my back hair!
-
Do you
wash it?
-Yes, I wash
it. I might have a beard, but I am not a vagrant.
-
You're in
a beard club?!
-Yes,
and I can assure you it is way cooler than any scrapbooking,
fanstasy sports league, or aerobic-kickboxing-yoga group you belong
to.
-
What
do they do at a beard and mustache contest?
-It's
basically like a dog show, but no one is handling our junk, only our
beards. And there is usually beer.
-
Does
it ever get in the way?
-No sarcasm here. Yes, it gets in your mouth, gets caught in babies' hands, and caught in jacket zippers.
-
When
are you going to shave?
- (Blank stare)
-
Why
do you have a beard?
-Because it's awesome!
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posted Feb 17, 2012 11:01 AM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
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updated Feb 17, 2012 11:02 AM
]
The amazing Myk O'Connor sat down with Admiral Buckler and the Duchess of Information Kate Smith-Buckler for GAFBO Radio Episode 5, while the three were in Portland, OR for the 2012 West Coast Beard and Moustache Championship. We discussed the difficulties of putting on a competition, what having a giant beard means to Myk, and we even touched on one of Myk's weird sexual fetishes involving fruit and uteruses (uteri?).
As always, GAFBO radio does contain profanity, and should not be listened to by younger ears. You can download the podcast right here, or just look below for the player.
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posted Feb 7, 2012 9:20 AM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
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updated Feb 7, 2012 9:21 AM
]
today (February 7, 2012) marks the 200th birthday of the great Charles Dickens, author of some of the most legendary stories in the history of mankind.
Dickens, who had a notoriously interesting life, continues to inspire writers and philanthropists to this day. He, and his incredible moustache/goatee combo, created rich worlds, full of characters that taught us about the everyday workings of mankind. His ingeniously named characters reflected real life people that he had come across, much to their delight or chagrin upon finding out. His narratives were allegories into how one should spend their lives, helping others to make the world a better place.
Charles Dickens, himself, was an ironic force.
Despite his much vaunted philanthropy, he demonstrated anti-semitism in
the Novel "Oliver Twist." His views on the inhumanity of slavery in
America were confounded when he found it absurd that former slaves be
given the right to vote. These beliefs seem in direct contrast to his views on societal reform. Perhaps he saw a greater need to change from within, yet was unable to do so outwardly for whatever reasons. His work is considered to be autobiographical, and the character of Nicholas Nickelby appears to fit that role. The emotional and naive Nickelby is someone who is devoted to his friends and family, hoping to create a better life by fighting against injustice; yet Nickelby is prone to fits of violent temper and irrational behavior. Perhaps Dickens was just a straight up bigot. We don't know. What we do know is that he challenged people to change their lives, and their way of thinking.
So, to honor Charles Dickens' glorious facial hair, we comment on how amazing it is to be members of this greater facial hair community. One that frequently finds new and creative ways to give back to their communities through the ridiculous practice of having awesome facial hair. We encourage you to act as charitable as Scrooge (at the end "A Christmas Story," not the beginning). We ask that you continue to strive for personal and societal reform, as suggested in "A Tale of Two Cities." We urge you to continue to represent the facial hair community in the best way possible, by changing the world around you for the better.
And remember, while we are a community that primarily consists of interactions over the intertubewebnets, we turly love getting together and swapping stories. As Dickens said:
"Electric communication will never be a substitute for
the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be
brave and true."
So, be brave and true, dear friends. Be brave and true.
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posted Jan 28, 2012 10:21 AM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
[
updated Jan 30, 2012 8:53 AM
]
Those of us who sport large beards are often met with nasty glares, or simple tsk tsks. They will shield their children away from us, despite the fact that we are simply walking down the street or through the aisles at the grocery store. We take it in stride, knowing that around the corner is someone who will stop us and exclaim "Awesome beard." We can be discriminated against in a minor fashion, and it can be obnoxious. However, we've got nothing on Joseph Palmer.
Anyone who is truly enveloped in the facial hair community has probably at least a passing familiarity with the story of Joseph Palmer. Someone posted a story about it on your Facebook wall, or mentioned it to you while you were out for drinks (but couldn't quite remember the name of the gentleman in question, nor many of the details). In case you have never heard of him, quite simply (and as his gravestone states) he was "Persecuted for wearing a beard."
Joseph Palmer sported a large beard during the early 1800's, and when he moved to Fitchburg, MA in 1830, he was openly mocked for his decision to be awesome. It wasn't even that he had gone against the norm and was ridiculed for being different, but the local pastor even chastised him, saying his beard was an affront to God and man. He was threatened repeatedly, and on one occasion attacked by four men from the town who attempted to shave him.
If the attack on Joseph Palmer wasn't enough, he was sent to jail for stabbing two of his attackers with a jacknife, used in self-defense. The men claimed that Palmer attacked them viciously and unprovoked. While locked away, the guards attempted to shave him a number of times, but Palmer was able to prevent it from happening. He spent his time writing letters to the local press, about his unfair treatment, and gained status as a national celebrity as the story spread around the country. He was eventually released due to the bad publicity (after a year), but charged a fine to pay for his time in jail. He appealed for the fine to be rescinded, as well as demanded a public proclamation that it was okay for him to sport a beard. Neither of these things happened, and so he refused to leave the jail cell. Eventually he was tied to a chair and carried out of the jail cell and left on the street.
Palmer had gained such a following for his stance that he used his influence and money to help support the Abolitionist movement, as well as running with Transcendentalists such as Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau.
This is a simple summary of Palmer's adult life, but it is a far more complicated story than that. One that is difficult to teach to children in a proper manner. However, Patricia Rusch Hyatt does just that in her book "The Quite Contrary Man." Utilizing some the free flowing illustrations of Kathyrn Brown, Hyatt uses the story of Palmer to teach children that it is important to stand up for what you believe.
The story glosses over some of the more violent aspects of Palmer's time in Fitchburg, and instead focuses on his life as a dedicated family man, who firmly believes in himself and his values/morals. Describing his day to day life as a farmer and in all respects (except for the beard, apparently) an otherwise outstanding citizen, the book uses a free flowing style of illustration that shows great amount of movement. Kathyrn Brown's work on Palmer's beards shows something that is beautiful and to be celebrated, in stark contrast to the story at hand which deals with close-mindedness and the inability for some people to see past someone's exterior.
Hyatt seems to be using the story of Palmer to teach children, and their parents, that their are certain social norms that we just take for granted, instead of challenging them. Beards have gone in and out of fashion for thousands of years, depending upon pharaohs, kings, media campaigns, and the like. However, just because social norms are to be clean shaven, doesn't mean it is wrong to sport a beard. The story teaches children to stand up for their ideals, and refuse to be beaten down by those who may tsk tsk their choice of fashion. What's truly important is what you do with your time with your family and your community. Palmer changed popular perception of the beard. He unfortunately had to spend a year in jail, but he let his beard flag fly and is still effecting the world today. Sometimes greatness is way ahead of its time.
Find the "Quite Contrary Man: A True American Tale" in your local bookstore, and read it to your kids. They'll thank you for it.
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posted Jan 26, 2012 8:48 AM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
[
updated Jan 26, 2012 8:50 AM
]
Today marks the 175th anniversary of the adoption of Michigan as a state in our Union. An impressive twenty-one Governors of the State of Michigan (we are not including the governors of the territory of Michigan) have rocked facial hair, including an impressive run of all Governors from 1853 until 1911. These have ranged from manicured mustaches, to glorious free flowing beards.
We happened to be based in Lansing, MI which is, as you should know, our State Capital. We also love making lists. In fact, we lost out on a great movie role to Liam Neeson, as he is the only person better than us at creating lists. So...we present to you, The Top 22 Governors of Michigan (based on facial hair, not accomplishments).
#22 - Luren Dickenson
Simple, well manicured 'stache. He is the last Governor to sport facial hair, the oldest ever Governor, and the only Governor to enter office due to the death of the incumbent.
#21 - Charles Croswell
Charles was known for his sideburns, way before Luke Perry and Jason Priestly brought them into fashion during Beverly Hills 90210. Croswell was the first Governor to occupy the current Capitol Building.
#20 - J. Wright Gordon
This Abraham Lincoln look-alike is more famous for his death than his life as governor. He only served as Governor for 11 months, taking over for William Woodbridge who resigned to take a seat in the U.S. Senate. At the age of 44, and while serving as U.S. Consul to Brazil, Gordon fell from a 2-story balcony and promptly died. He is interred in Brazil.
#19 - Fred M. Warner
Warner was a big proponent of child labor laws, women's suffrage, and unadulterated cigarettes. He also sported a serious 'stache. This 'stache is from his pre-governor days, when he opened 13 cheese factories. During his time in office, he sported a shorter, less bushy mustache.
#18 - Albert Sleeper
This sassy 'stache is only rivaled by the bowtie. Sleeper is responsible for the fact that Michigan has some of the greatest State Parks in the country, and for the fact that you have a little plastic card with your picture on it that says you can operate a motor vehicle.
#17 - Andrew Parsons
Sure, in this drawing Parsons looks like he and his neck beard are plotting ways to kill you in your sleep, but that is probably because he is.
#16 - Moses Wisner
Wisner only became active in politics for a short period of his life. Spurred on by his hatred of slavery, he became a very vocal opponent of the Kansas-Nebraska Act of 1854 and got involved. He served as Governor from 1859-1961 and then went on to fight in the Civil War, dying of Typhoid Fever in 1862 at the rank of Colonel.
#15 - Edwin Winans
Winans was a elected as a Fusion candidate, wherein two or more parties join forces to nominate the same person. He also is one of the big reasons that elections are done on secret ballots now, instead of oral elections which is a bunch of nonsense and leads to stupid things like State Caucuses (we're looking at you Iowa) that serve no real purpose at all.
#14 - Hazen S. Pingree
Pingree, in addition to having a sweet name, was known throughout the world as the look-alike to Henry VII of Great Britain. Pingree served as Mayor of Detroit (attempting to even hold both Mayorship and Governorship at the same time for one year), was an advocate of community farms in cities, pushed for railway systems, and was a big reason that 8 hour workdays exist.
#13 - Russel A. Alger
GAFBO member John used to work at Alger Party Store. John also use to go to middle school dances at one of Alger's former homes (which is now a War Memorial/event center) and get embarassed/excited to dance with girls to Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight." We're not sure why you need to know that, but you also don't need to know that Alger was a Lumber Baron in Grand Rapids before becoming Governor.
#12 - Cyrus G. Luce
Luce was responsible for some stuff that happened. We think with booze. He's pretty boring, but looks dapper with that beard/suit/bowtie combo. Also, he looks like GAFBO's collective Grandfather, hence his higher ranking.
#11 - John T. Rich
What was Rich known for, you ask? Well, he presided during a time when the there was a railroad and iron workers strike. FOR HIS WHOLE DAMN TERM. However, he looks like someone who would bare-knuckle box you. We are scared of him.
#10 - Kinsley S. Bingham
If we told you this was a portrait of the assassin John Wilkes Boothe or Leon Czolgosz (killed McKinley), you'd believe us, wouldn't you? However, this guy is not a killer. He was instrumental in establishing the Agricultural College of the State of Michigan (which is now known as Michigan State University), So...indirectly, Kinsley is responsible for the formation of GAFBO. Which definitely earns him a spot in the Top Ten.
#9 - Austin Blair
Any other state ever have a Vampire as one of their Governors? We thought not. Blair served during the Civil War, and was responsible for the formation of programs that provided assistance to families of soldiers. When he left office, he was nearly destitute, after having used vast amounts of his own personal fortune to help pay for this assistance and other assistance to people effected by the Civil War.
#8 - Henry Crapo
Far and away, he's got the worst name on this list. But he sports a fine Donegal beard, that is only rivaled by the infamous Miletus Callihan-Barille of the Austin Facial Hair Club. He is known for vetoing railway aid legislation, refusing to pardon convicts without overwhelming evidence of their innocence, and the fact that John Goodman should play him in a movie.
#7 - Aaron T. Bliss
Our highest rated mustache Governor, Bliss was a busy man during his terms. On top of looking classy with that 'stache, he oversaw that the Michigan Employment Institution for the Adult Blind was established
in Saginaw, a state highway department was formed, and railroad taxation
was sanctioned.
#6 - William L. Greenley
We believe that Wilford Brimley was inspired by Greenley, but didn't want to copy the exact style, so he just took the Walrus 'stache and ran with it. Greenley was known for....ummm....he did....well there was that one time......and then the......Oh! Look at the time! Gotta run!
#5 - Alpheus Felch
While Felch was in office, the State Capital was moved to Lansing. We like to imagine that he was a mad scientist, who created some sort of magic potion that literally moved the Capital and all the buildings, documents, people, etc. to Lansing.
#4 - Josiah Begole
Begole's term was fraught with as much Republican opposition as President Obama faces today. Begole was a Republican, but switched parties and won the Governorship as a Democrat. He had a difficult time pushing anything through, but was able to create the State Bureau of Labor Statistics. What was his problem with the Republican party, and why did he leave it? Because he supported Women's Suffrage, and they didn't.
#3 - David Jerome
Jerome, who looks remarkably like GAFBO member Josh, was integral in advancing the state railway system as well as establishing the School for the Blind in Lansing. He also helped with the creation of the Traverse City State Hospital for the Insane which is now a beautiful mixed-use building housing a great winery, fair trade coffee roasters, hotels, apartments, restaurant, and a brick oven bakery. It's also apparently haunted.
#2 - Henry P. Baldwin
Baldwin popularized the newly minted "Groomed Beard" category at your local beard and moustache competition. This is the best way to grow a large beard, but be able to avoid all those damn ZZ Top references (NOBODY LIKES THOSE!!!!!!) However, he was a jerk of a Governor. Remember Josiah Begole, #4 on our list? He left the Republican party because of guys like this. When Baldwin was governor, he vetoed the Women's Suffrage amendment.
#1 - John J. Bagley
Look at that amazing beard! Isn't it awesome? That's the type of facial hair that we are truly missing in politics today. Bagley clearly takes the top prize for Best Facial Hair on a Governor for the State of Michigan. However, his term was a mixed bag. He was a big reason that the Board of Health was created and led the fight against Juvenile Delinquency. He proposed railroad regulations, and started the State Fish Commssion. He also created an insurance company, helped found the Republican party (who as we talked about previously hated women having any rights during that time period) and was a huge advocate of prohibition. No matter what you think about him politically, he sports a tremendous beard.
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posted Jan 20, 2012 1:59 PM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
[
updated Jan 25, 2012 9:59 AM
]
Colonel Walker here! In the interest of me being less lame than I have been in the past, I'm doing my best to get podcasts up in a more timely fashion!
To that end, I present to you:
GAFBO RADIO EPISODE FOUR!
This time, we have a discussion with long-time GAFBO member Kevin Rathbun (shown above with our own Admiral Buckler), about his beard, how he came to have such a beautiful example of facial hair, and the significance of his beard. Believe me, you don't want to miss this one.
As always, we have dirty mouths, so take care around the children, and those with delicate sensibilities.
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posted Jan 13, 2012 8:29 AM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
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updated Jan 13, 2012 8:35 AM
]
On this, our third episode of GAFBO Radio, Admiral Buckler and Duchess of Information Kate sit down with their friend Neil Moherman of Beard Team Ohio. The fact that he lives in Ohio is, of course, a reason to be concerned. We make due with the knowledge that he is actually from Iowa and just lives in Ohio now. The third episode of GAFBO Radio was recorded late on a Sunday night after the three of us had finally returned from the Gotham City Beard Alliance's 2nd Annual BMC in Brooklyn, NY. It may start a bit slow, but trust us, it's worth your time once we get going. We talk about the competition, previous competitions, the appearance of Ke$ha at the NYC competition, Hufflepuffs, and all sorts of goodness. You can listen below, or download directly from here. (Soon we will be on iTunes as well).
Remember kids, their may be explicit language and content.
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posted Jan 10, 2012 2:01 PM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
[
updated Jan 10, 2012 2:02 PM
]
First and foremost, let me apologize for the terrible article title. Let's never speak of it again.
When you grow out a glorious beard, you will invariably get names thrown at you by strangers. They might see you in a bar and yell "ZZ TOP!" Perhaps you will be out on a walk and someone yells "ZZ TOP!" from their car. Or even while waiting in the doctor's office for an appointment, you'll hear "ZZ TOP!" from one of the nurses. It's obnoxious. Stop calling me "ZZ Top." A) That's not even a person, it's a band. And B) It's ridiculous unoriginal and stupid.
However, we love it when people call us by some wizard name. Not when they call us a Wizard (which is still pretty awesome, but when they call us by an actual Wizard's name. It got us thinking. Who is the greatest bearded Wizard?
The members of GAFBO got together, each one bringing a single ingredient (from the saliva of a horned toad, to the toe-nail clippings of a person named Shaft in Greenland, and even a single tear taken from a baby Kraken), mixed them altogether in our Black Cauldron, and then ran away from the awful smell it made.
We gathered together after the smell and smoke died away, and decided to have an old fashioned argument, to come up with the TOP 10 WIZARDS WITH FACIAL HAIR. Please to enjoy.
#10 David Lo Pan (Big Trouble in Little China)
David Lo Pan, as played by the insanely amazing James Hong, is about as evil as you can get. The voice, the cocksure attitude, the master plan to rule the universe from beyond the grave. It adds up to one tough wizard. The Fu Man Chu with added goatee was ready to take over the world with the help of a girl with green eyes. The only reason that Lo Pan isn't higher on the list is because he ran into a man looking for his truck. And that man was Jack Burton.
#9 Jafar (Aladdin)
When you think evil Wizard, a face much like Jafar's probably comes to mind. Much like when you think evil German trying to blow up Nakatomi Plaza, you think of Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber. Those two aren't really related, but Alan Rickman as Hans was perfect. And Jafar, voiced by Jonathon Greenman, is a damn near perfect as well. The only reason that he probably didn't succeed in his plan to become the leader of Agrabah is that he got extremely tired of the incoherent ramblings of a mad man....errr....I mean Robin William's delightful improvisations.
#8 High Aldwin (Willow)
High Aldwin: [throws an apple into the air which turns into a bird] Go in the direction the bird is flying!
Burgelcutt: He's going back to village!
High Aldwin: Ignore the bird. Follow the river.
High Aldwin: I will consult the bones!
[he shakes the bones out of the pouch and studies them]
High Aldwin: [in a low voice, to Willow] The bones tell me nothing.
[pause]
High Aldwin: Have you any love for this child?
Willow: [looks at Elora] Yes. Yes, I do.
High Aldwin: [standing] The bones have spoken!
If there weren't enough reasons to love the movie Willow, starring Warwick Davis as the titular character and Billy Barty as High Aldwin, these lines should make you fall in love all over again. As High Aldwin says: "Magic is the bloodstream of the universe. Forget all you know, or think you know. All that you require is your intuition." Our intuition tells us that Aldwin is the #8 Wizard of all time.
#7 Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter series)
Albus Dumbledore, pretty much all you could want from a headmaster/professor (unless you were not Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, or Ron Weasley, in which case you bitched and moaned about the unequal treatment/attention given to those three when he ignored you). He was patient, kind, helpful, and full of information. He often spoke in riddles, and unless you were named Harry Potter, these riddles were easy to solve. However, he could have saved everyone a great deal of headaches if he just said to Harry "Listen you little shit, I don't care what you think. Trust Severus Snape."
#6 Ulrich (DragonSlayer)
Ralph Richardson, as Ulrich of Craggenmoor is the ultimate wizard. While his goatee is whispy, his wizarding prowess is nearly unrivaled. When his power is questioned by the centurion Tyrian, Ulrich requests that Tyrian kill him. Tyrian stabs Ulrich, who dies instantly. But wouldn't you know it, Ulrich comes resurrects later on in order to get picked up by the dragon with the kick ass name of Vermithrax Pejorative in order to blow himself up to kill the dragon, stop the virgin sacrifices, and end the 400 year reign of terror that giant dragons tend to cause. And as Philip J. Fry would say "This is a cool way to dieeeeeee!"
#5 Tim the Enchanter (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
Listen...leave your stupid arguments about Monty Python's "Life of Brian" being better than "Holy Grail" at the door. Nobody cares. Both movies are amazing, full of quotable lines, memorable characters, and tons of hilarity. John Cleese as Tim the Enchanter, however, makes a convincing argument as the worth of one over the other. Tim the Enchanter is adept at great displays of fire magic, often earning applause during his demonstrations or during his needless use of fireballs between responses when asked questions. If it wasn't for Tim, King Arthur would never have finished his quest.
#4Saruman (Lord of the Rings)
Name a wizard that freaks you the fuck out. Chances are that it's Saruman. A major antagonist of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Saruman (portrayed above by the disgustingly amazing Christopher Lee) is one hell of an evil wizard. Originally given human like form to battle against the evil Sauron, Saruman chooses instead to gain power himself and attempts to get others to ally with the Necromancer (aka Sauron). His greed and pride eventually led to his downfall, reducing him the life of a beggar before being murdered by Wormtongue. But he caused a ton of damage, and wreaked major havoc leading up to his end, nearly allowing for Sauron to come back into his full power.
#3 Rincewind (Discworld Series)
If you haven't read Terry Pratchett's Discworld series of books, we feel sorry for you. There is an emptiness in your life that you didn't even know about. Rincewind is the most street-wise of all the wizards in our list. While he is described as a failed wizarding student at Unseen University, he manages to eventually solve any and all problems that are thrown his way, frequently cheating Death (as in the personification of Death himself) in the process. He has a vast amount of magical knowledge, but is limited to how many spells he can cast due to a semi-sentient and incredibly destructive spell taking up lodging in his brain, and scaring away all other spells. If this wasn't enough to ward off other wizards or villains, the fact that he has a carnivorous piece of luggage made of Sapient Pearwood that will follow him anywhere (even into other dimensions) usually does the trick.
#2 Merlin (various incarnations)
Until the Lord of the Rings trilogy came to the silver screen, the first person people generally thought of when you mentioned Wizards was Merlin. Perhaps the most famous wizard of all-time, Merlin has been characterized in millions of adaptations of Arthurian legends. Sometimes he's a bit clumsy or forgetful, or just a con-man with no real power (such as Twain's A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court). But most often he is portrayed as the most knowledgeable and powerful wizard of all time. It is also theorized Arthurian legend in our world is influenced by real world events in a parallel world, with The Doctor (Doctor Who) being considered Merlin. If that is so, it means that Merlin uses wibbly wobbly timey-wimey stuff to hold dominion over all of space and time. It is only the fact that this is a theory, and not provable that prevents him from being #1.
#1 Gandalf (Lord of the Rings)
The guy above, Gandalf the White, could just as easily have killed a ton of orcs with magic. Yet, he is such a bad-ass that he said "Bring it!," grabbed his sword, and just started running mother fuckers through. The greatest and wisest of the Istari (look it up, kids), Gandalf is the reason that #4 on our list failed in his misguided quest. Gandalf provided people with all necessary information, backed up those in need when able, and allowed others to shine forth when necessary. He also came back from the dead, changing from Gandalf the Grey to Gandalf the White and kicking more ass than ever before. You know that scene in LoTR: Two Towers where Gandalf fights the Balrog ("YOU...SHALL...NOT...PASS!")? Pretty bad-ass, right? In actuality, he didn't die in the fall. Gandalf and the Balrog fell into an underground lake, and then Gandalf chased the Balrog for 8 days, before battling on a mountaintop for two days and two nights before Gandalf throws the Balrog off, killing him, and proving his superiority over all other Wizards.
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posted Dec 25, 2011 8:20 PM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
[
updated Dec 25, 2011 8:33 PM
]
In this installment of GAFBO Radio, Ian, Kyle, and John sit down with Alex LaRoche and Miletus Callihan-Barile of the Austin Facial Hair Club as well as Brandon Biggins of the Philadelphia Beard and Moustache Club.
We discuss a myriad of topics, including the formation of each group, the beer scene in Austin and Michigan, Nationals, Worlds, upcoming events in Austin and Philadelphia, among many other things.
The podcast clocks in at around 45 minutes, and it is worth your time. And remember, there is cursing, so listen accordingly. Please to enjoy.
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posted Dec 16, 2011 9:51 AM by Great American Fierce Beard Club
[
updated Dec 16, 2011 9:52 AM
]
Many
moons ago, GAFBO started out as a lark among friends to determine who
had the "fiercest" beard. The term is intentionally ambiguous. What's
fierce to you, may differ than what is fierce to your neighbor. It
leaves the judge a lot of leeway, allowing them to take in the full
scope of things. It truly was an epic moment in the life of GAFBO.
Imagine
our joy, when we were contacted by two individuals who were in the
midst of an "Epic Beard Battle," and asked us to judge the winner.
Again, the term "epic" is somewhat ambiguous. It left a lot of room for
debate among GAFBO members, and a lot of debate was had. But, in the
end, and much like in Highlander, there can be only one. We were given
the guidelines that it was up to us to determine who had the more "Epic"
beard at the end of 3 months.
Dictionary.com gives 4 definitions to the adjective Epic.
Definition #1: noting or pertaining to a long poetic composition, usually centered upon a hero, in which a series of great achievements or events is narrated in elevated style
Ken vs. Nelson
No offense, gentlemen, but with those baby faces, it's hard to tell if either of you are capable of being a hero. However, we are at the beginning of the journey, and so the long poetic composition has yet to be written. According to Joseph Campbell's Hero mythology, one must go through several trials to truly become a hero. And you have yet to see the trials, tribulations, and ultimately glory of having an epic beard.
Definition #2: resembling or suggesting such poetry, ie: an epic novel on the founding of the country.
Here we are, 5 weeks into the battle. Who is pushing towards having an Epic beard? Ken on the left? Nelson on the right? Do our participants resemble heroes yet? It's definitely a step up from Day 1, and they are both giving cold, steely, glares. It seems that they did not realize what an undertaking this was going to be.
Definition #3: heroic; majestic; impressively great
9 weeks in, and Ken and Nelson are head to head in length/thickness. But are they heroic? Are they majestic? Are they impressively great? We say that they are getting there, but have one last trial ahead of them.
Definition #4: of unusually great size or extent
The debate raged for a while, with fist banging on the table, yelling (and then apologizing for yelling so loudly with other, non-GAFBO patrons around). THe red in Ken's beard looks like it was dyed with the blood of a dragon which he had slain during his epic quest. The look on Nelson's face, and the unkemptness of his beard signify that one has truly just witnessed something horrific and knows what needs to be done next. Both Ken and Nelson have dramatically improved their faces, their lives, and the world. Both men have endured trials and tribulations on their way to glory, Both beards are truly epic. But, there can be only one. And GAFBO had to utilize the dictionary when it all came down to it. And definition #4 is "of unusually great size or extent."
Congratulations to Nelson! Winner of the Epic Beard Battle! We have an award certificate for you, good sir, and if you will e-mail us your address, we will send it your way.
However, GAFBO decided that should you continue your battle for an entire year, we could put together a hell of a prize package for the winner.
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